OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
