I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im holly from the hills drunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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