Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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