Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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