It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
