I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
