what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
