i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
