The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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