My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
