I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
