hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
