he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He did a backflip because drugs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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