he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
