Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
