Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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