dude i'm inner monologue high
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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