What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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