for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
