I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its not stalking. its research.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
