All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
