Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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