cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
