Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
