I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
