I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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