I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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