I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
