he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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