I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
