yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
