you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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