dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm really busy with my period
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