I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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