so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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