I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
