Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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