I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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