"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
