remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am spending my child support on dildos
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
