i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
