I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You can't special order awesome
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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