Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
