he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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