I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
