its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
