Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
