dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
