All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish I could teleport
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
