hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
