I smell stomach acid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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