Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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