We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
